Wednesday, January 23, 2013
For Oldest, on Her Fourth Birthday
Oh my darling, four at last! You've been waiting to hold up that next finger, the pinkie, with anticipation. When daddy and I came in to wake you this morning we sang, "Happy Birthday! Yay!"
You sat up in bed, rubbed your sleepy eyes, and said, "I'm four?" You held out those four fingers and looked at me for confirmation because it seemed so sudden after all the waiting.
The last year has been one of transitions. You've struggled with hearing no when you want to hear yes. You've responded to requests with, "But I want," and "I just." There have been tears and fits, times when you fell on the floor and kicked for the sheer frustration of wanting something you could not name.
I tell you, my darling, that this is just the beginning. Life is full of thwarted wants and unnamed longings. This is a lesson that must be learned early and often. I am learning still, because I want for you to be happy and free, always. To see the world as full of friends to be made. To believe baby Jesus is just a short trip away. My wishes for you are unsayable, feelings outside of words.
You have grown up so much this year. You are tall and full of dancing energy. I think you are close to reading. You love books and sleep with them every night, but you tell me you're too young to read the words. You color in the lines now. You write your name at the top of your worksheets.
I have mixed feelings about this. I want you to make beautiful pictures, my darling, because they do look a lot better when you stay in the lines. And yet I beg you to draw your own lines. Make your own picture, and make it bright and beautiful. Make the sky purple and the grass pink if you want to, sweet girl, and don't let anyone make you feel less for it. Don't let anyone steal the color from your world.
What you're into now:
Sophie-You're a great, if a little overbearing, big sister.
Boz: his Christmas special is your favorite
Helping-sometimes...you put the dog out. You can even clean your room all by yourself, if you choose.
Chapter books-We read alud every night. Books about animals are your favorite.
Doing what I do-art, writing, reading, playing on the ipad, cooking. You are following me close, dear, and making me choose every step with care.
Presents-You love to give and receive.