Who am I, and who are these my people,
that we should presume to be giving something back to you?
Everything comes from you; all we’re doing is giving back
what we’ve been given from your generous hand.
As far as you’re concerned, we’re homeless, shiftless wanderers
like our ancestors,
our lives mere shadows, hardly anything to us…
I know, dear God, that you care nothing for the surface-
you want us, our true selves.
1 Chronicles 29: 14-17, The Message
I’m struggling. The winter cold and rain has blown in strong, and when I look out my window I see dim light and shades of gray. When I look inward, I feel gray too. These are the times when I wonder, Is it just me? Or do we all have a bare soul winter?
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I’ve been dwelling a little on where I was last month, the month before. I had a good little thing going, felt totally centered, dropped down deep into the core of my life. I felt holy, calling on holy, walking on holy.
And it still is, holy. The only thing that’s changed is me. I’m going back to Grace for the Good Girl, to Emily’s life-changing questions: “What is the truth? What will you believe? What will you do? Will you give up the right to feel as if God's truth is true?”
I choose to believe what was calling is calling still. I choose to act as if the truth is true.
This is the test of all things-to continue when your head is quiet, heart is still. To get up anyway and sit in the chair anyway, pulling heart through the dust behind you. To do the work when it feels like work.
I always feel tested when I have a good thing going. But we need to keep on. Hold on to those things that are true. Hold on to those activities that keep you together. Keep going. And maybe your activities look a little different than before. Maybe what holds you together looks different. That's ok. Just keep going. Praying for you.
ReplyDeleteThank you Kat-I appreciate these words.
DeleteSeasons come and seasons go.
ReplyDeletePraying for you.
Love you.
Delete'To get up anyway and sit in the chair anyway, pulling heart through the dust behind you. To do the work when it feels like work.'
ReplyDeleteThere it is! Keep on!!
I feel the grey . . . looking for the colour in the light. The Light chases the darkness away.
Grace and peace to you.
Looking into the light today! Thank you for your words!
DeletePowerful words, friend. I LOVE Emily's question: Will you give up the right to feel as if God's truth is true? We really want to live by our feelings, especially when they are raw and deep and feel truer than true. It takes bravery to trust that He is still the most true thing. Keep being brave.
ReplyDeleteAlso, did you know we're going through Grace for the Good Girl every Thursday? We're only on chapter 3 this week, so come join in. :)
DeleteI will come check it out Kat. I keep going back into it. So good.
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