I went to a Christian college, and there was an undercurrent of God as a micro-manager there. As in, "I'm sorry I was late for class, but God made all the lights red. Probably to keep me out of a fatal car accident. So don't mark me tardy, 'kay!"
Personally I see God as more distantly involved, able to intervene, but mostly not. I believe God lets us stumble along, slowly finding our way, giving us chances to pick each other up.
So when a coincidence happens, I have a hard time knowing what to call it. Serendipity? A lucky happening? A God thing? Grace?
I spent the better part of this morning in quiet stillness. I sat in my chair and read emails and posts I had bookmarked. I read a prompt to write a letter of thanks to myself for showing up this past year, even when (especially when) things were hard, and I did. Because I am so, so thankful that a fighter part of myself decided to crawl out from under the dark covers and live.
Then I thought about five minute Fridays and how I enjoy those posts in my blog feed. Maybe I should do that one day, I thought. I clicked over to Lisa-Jo's site, and what was the prompt?
Once again I feel blown off my feet by life. Like it is just so big-small-beautiful-crushingly good. What words are there to say except thank you, thank you, thank you.
I am thankful today for the leaps, jump after jump taken off mountains large and small. You knew, I think, that there was a better way to live. Or maybe not. Maybe you just knew to stay in the cold, thin air was to die. You flung yourself out without seeing which arms would catch you. You were brave enough to change your life
This is why I am thankful. Because now I see that tears and racing heart and sweaty palms are not only part of the leap, but also of the before. It all hurts. To stay freezing, forehead pressed to bathroom floor. To leap into the unknown spaces of yourself. It all hurts, but now when I open my eyes I no longer see blurred black and white tiles. I see only clouds and blue, blue sky.
I'm linking up with today with Lisa and Sandra and Jennifer and Rachel.